There's sometimes brief moment's in my life when I think that it would just be easier to have been born into the male brotherhood. Then I usually come to my senses and remind myself that being female is just far too much fun.
Women are without a doubt the strangest and most complex creatures on Earth. We laugh, cry, scream, cry, eat, stress, laugh, cry some more, whinge and then cry even more throughout our lives and we can be somewhat bi-polar characters in every day life. Well I know I am anyway. It never fails to amaze me how we have the incredible ability to be on such a high and then ultimately turn into a raging bull in the space of around 5-6 seconds.
We spend a good 75% of our time bitching with our fellow sisterhood about the opposite sex and how 'inconsiderate' they are.. however I can't help but feel that sometimes they put up with A LOT. I always find that if one of your friends has an argument with their other half, you can't help but gather and discuss how this male has overnight become the new Judas of this day and age. We're harsh and we know it.
One thing in particular that I find women are experts at is the modern art of stalking. Whether that's on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or in extreme cases driving past their houses (which I am shamelessly guilty of) We know every thing and we are everywhere, you poor poor sods. We have this incredible ability of A) finding out your life story in less than 5 minutes B) catching you out using dates, specific times and overall taking advantage of your stupidity and finally and most importantly C) finding out the A-Z of your new girlfriends life. Which may I add could be the loveliest of humans but we'd still find fault and ultimately dislike her. You don't stand a chance against us, we know everything.. and if there's something that we don't know we probably will within a few days of hard grafting.
Secondly we over analyse EVERYTHING, that includes the kisses that you put on the end of a text message (yes we're that sad). If you usually put 2-3 and you send 1 we will undoubtably question this within 2 seconds and in some cases get rather shitty about it.
We let our minds wander on a daily basis and a good majority of us always have the future in mind rather than the present. If we meet a good looking fellow and there's potential for a relationship it's extremely hard to resist changing your surname in your head to theres, choosing your marital home location, what date you'll marry and what you'll name your first born. Slightly crazy you may say, but it's just the way we're programmed.. We plan ahead, a lot..
Something else that I feel is essential to point out is that we are forever going to be waiting for Noah Calhoun aka Ryan Gosling to turn up on our non existent porch and declare that he 'wrote us' every day for a year. Boys you don't half have a lot to live up to. I also feel that I should state that if you do not intend on taking us out on a lake, in a small wooden boat and then suddenly declaring that "It wasn't over, it still isn't over" then you are indeed fighting a losing battle i'm afraid. If you find yourself needing inspiration on how to go about 'wooing' a lady, then just watch The Notebook, coincidentally with a notebook and pen and take some serious notes.
Lastly, when we're all dressed up and looking all very glam and well groomed, please don't ever think that it was an easy task. It was a female military mission. We do not just throw on some makeup, slide into a dress and give off a natural sunkissed glow, it's bloody hard graft.
Fake tan is done the night before to ensure best possible results, hair is gently pre-curled, nails and toes are precisely painted, eyebrows are perfectly groomed and plucked, makeup is delicately applied to the best of our abilities and above all else we've usually nearly gouged our eyes out in the attempt to stick the dreaded fake lashes to our eyes. (which may I add is one of life's most patience testing of tasks!)
We're crazy ladies and granted not every woman is the same but secretly we're all guilty of one of these things ^
Oh and a wink ;) is never just a wink it's either an invitation or a suggestion.. or in some cases a suggestive invitation. You know exactly what you're doing.. cheeky bastards.
Lucy ;)
x
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